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Self sabotage and my doubtful mind

Re: Self sabotage and my doubtful mind

by Pasi Lautala -
Number of replies: 0

Dr. Schubiner and others,

I know this is an old post, but I'm  a newcomer on the site and found it a perfect match to my situation, so I can't help myself but to write a response.....this is probably more important to me than anyone else, but so'll be it.

To make long story short, I went from semi-professional athlete to a pretty much disabled person in two years and struggled with it another four until I found out about Dr. Sarno (this was almost 20 years ago). Through the books and one consultation, I worked myself back into a "semi-healthy" adult who got back to sports and was no longer fearful of getting injured at any point of time. I never fully defeated TMS, but I was able to live with it and put down the flares with some level of I never took the time to continue reading/practicing until the next flare came.

Over the past 10 years, I've slowly slipped backward. My life has always been somewhat loaded with activity, but having two sons now....well, you guessed it, new kinds of pressures. The flares have become somewhat more frequent and the fear that I thought I had defeated has slowly crept back. Recently, I returned to my native country with my family...first time for over 20 years....and of course the birth place of a lot of my causes for TMS. While things have been fantastic (with my conscious mind), my TMS has been all over me and my fears are in 10th floor. My knee pain (operated almost 15 years ago....I woudln't do it now) has been insane and my stomach around my two hernia surgeries (one this spring) has suddenly become a "hot spot" for pain.....especially after I finally convinced myself that the knee pain was actually TMS. For some reason, it's got harder and harder for me to get back to TMS books after each flare, but I guess I've become desperate enough, so I actually logged into this site and started journaling (and reading interesting book on emotional locks).

Anyway, as I said, I decided to respond to this old discussion, as the traveling pain and the responses gave me another blink of hope at time when I've started feeling helpless (at times) and have been increasingly consumed by fear. I'm trying to promise myself that this time I won't leave this process half-way, but let's see what happens. At least I'm past the first hurdle of stopping to feel desperate/pitiful and starting to do something toward defeating my TMS and pain.

Thank you!