Hi Julia and thanks for writing.
The key to recovery is to reduce fear; fear of pain; fear of movement; fear of people or situations in our lives, etc.
When I was young, kids who were being taunted and called names by others would say this in response: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me."
My advice is this: Do not be afraid of words. They are just words. They can't hurt you unless you give them special meaning or status. Don't worry about what words you use. Work on freeing yourself from fears of all kinds.
Does that help?
If someone is acting aggressively, it is important to protect oneself. This may take many different actions, and it is important to try to find the best action for a certain situation. Sometimes, it's best to flee, sometimes to confront the person, sometimes to set boundaries, sometimes to simply breathe and separate from the emotional reactions.
Let us know if we can help more specifically.