Since I have started this course I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety. Part of it is coming from digging so deep into my psyche, but some of it is coming from my mind believing whole heartedly that this is the answer to my problems and the next minute questioning if it is really going to work. I do believe I have MBS. I am just so scared that my mind is going to stop me from letting this program work to its potential. I am such a pesamist deep down. Has anyone gone through high anxiety starting this course. I could also use some encouragement on staying the course, and staying positive even when I am in so much pain. Hate to sound so needy just going through a very hard time in my life right now.
Yes I’ve had anxiety for Gosh sakes. I had anxiety and didn’t know it. When I dig deep I realized what a mess I was in.
It’s natural to have conflicts about whether it will work or not. But most of the folks here do get better. It took me forever and I really had a lot of early life trauma to work thru. Keep moving forward and don’t worry. Relax even when the pain is bad.
You’ll get there. Be patient!
Since success with TMS is based on the clear understanding of one’s experience, it is helpful to reduce the dynamics down to their naked simplicity.
The anxiety (confusion, fear and sense of helplessness) is generated from the on-going conflict brewing between your mind and your gut. Your gut wants to celebrate and own the hope and potential freedom offered from what you are learning here and yet your mind raises up its apparent authority from your past and like an authoritarian father says “No.”
The mechanics of the culture we live in (which, by the way, is ridiculously inept when it comes to finding sustained fulfillment, i.e. happiness) strives to uphold and validate the senses authority of the mind.
Despite the mocking mind, something is keeping you attracted to this program. That something is the unique quality of knowing that is pulling for your well-being and calmly resides in your gut. It doesn’t really speak in the form of thoughts, but more in the form of quiet hunches and movements of intuition. It is not equal to or on par with the mind, it is vastly more capable and superior to it.
The difference between listening to the movement of your gut and listening to the mind is in some ways similar to the difference experienced when listening to live music played by a beautiful symphony, or just reading some perfectly printed sheet music. One is an experience of art, the other is just a bland reading of thoughts.
People who have seriously and successfully studied the traditions of the ancient east are much more familiar with what I am speaking about than are most people in the west. I am not writing about any form of new age, lazy junk-bond thinking, but rather something that has been realized from very ancient times and recognized as wisdom-truth. People in any position of authority in the west do all they can to ignore or scoff at this because their positions are made much less secure by the recognition of authentic nature of actual truth which threatens the pretend authority that they and their positions depend on.
Maybe at some time in the future, perhaps in many decades or even centuries, that knowing part of the human being will be more fully understood even in our culture at large. If it does come to light it will be seen that it had always been present. It is sort of similar to how the shape of the earth had always only been round, just not collectively recognized as round till after the lives and discoveries of Copernicus and then more completely by Galileo. But you don’t have to wait for anyone else to catch on, just decide to listen for yourself now. If you do you will have to learn to be your own cheerleader.
Look up Eratosthenes (276 BC) and learn what he went through while making the discovery that the earth was round even though everyone doubted him. Even after establishing it with mathematics, none but a rare few listened. He observed the way light reflected on the walls of deep wells, while at other times light went clear to the bottom. Based on his hunches he used experiments in conjunction with the tools of the mind to document and confirm what his gut instincts were telling him. It was that knowing part of him that led the way to his discover that the earth was round, when no-one else was paying attention. Can you imagine being an explorer overcome by the feeling of terror at even the mere possibility of getting to close to and sailings over the edge of the earth…the edge which never existed, never existed for even a moment. The revelation of truth can powerfully impact people lives and that’s why I applaud the discoveries about mind body connection that are made clearly available here on this website.
The rightful authority of the mind is like the respect and appreciation that should be given to a set of training wheels on a bike. At first, when a toddler is beginning to learn how to ride a bike, the training wheels are helpful for keeping the bike upright. With some time though, in order to really ride the bike as it was meant to be enjoyed, removing the set of training wheels is necessary. To enjoy the freedom that is rightfully yours, you have to learn how to follow your gut instincts. This freedom is really just freedom from the mind with its taxing, willing, driving and demanding desire for things to be as it thinks they should be.
I can’t spend as much time here as I have of late, and anything I write would just be using different words to repeat what I have already written.
To me, what I have written is a clear as day. I have a mind, but I use it and I try not to let it use me. As I progressively detach myself from the false shadow of authority the mind wants to assume, my life moves forward more and more fully, with more and more brightness, naturally and with more ease.
I wish you well my friend,
Constant pain (versus pain that comes and goes) is a challenge. This is true for me also. I too have no doubts about MBS/TMS...yet I also recognize that we are all different and our brains re-wire at varying paces. While I am 2 months into the program, I have found the following to be helpful to keep me going...
- Dr. Schubiner's guided meditations. Of several guided meditations that I have practiced in the past year, I find his are focused and the most soothing.
- Dr. Schubiner's emphasis on staying calm. I have no doubt that this is key. While this can be very difficult for we who are anxious, our relentlessness in striving to "let it go" and finding a state of "equanimity" as opposed to "reactivity" is important. We just have to keep practicing and trying. You may want to look up the Buddhist parable of the "second arrow". We can (and will) get hurt by the first arrows of life, but it is our choice to continue to be hurt by the second arrows. It is up to us.
- A physical "toolbox". There are a few things I have found to be helpful (each individual can find their own), such as creating a playlist in Spotify of "optimist" music (songs from broadway musicals, etc.) that I play every morning, smelling peppermint oil 2ce a day (a Dr. Moskowitz tool -- see his website Neuroplastix.com), laughter yoga for 10 minutes a day (may seem a bit nutty but it renews my energy big time). I have also found that memorizing something helps me...a piano piece, a poem, a prayer, etc. If I am experiencing a particularly spiking "trigger", I divert my brain to my memorization project. Eg. For the first time in 40 years I put myself to memorizing a Brahm's waltz for the piano -- didn't think I could do it but I did.
- Visualizations. Annie Hopper's program emphasized this use of "imagination" to help re-wire the brain by envisioning future scenarios in our lives. Norman Doidge's books refer to this. Again, I found it challenging initially and now it is helping me to guide where I want to be.
While I continue to be on the road of healing, I am definitely noticing small changes that give me hope. This is boot camp and I will not give up. This program has contributed to making me a better person. My best wishes for your progress and belief.
Day 2 I had a full blown anxiety attack that was BRUTAL. However, i can tell you that since that time (now on day 9) I have gotten better every single day. Its almost as if I had to flush out my emotional system. You're doing great! Just keep at it and remember that you are in control