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fear

 
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fear
by Crystal Janisse - Monday, 2 July 2018, 11:59 PM
 

I've been struggling with the fear. It's there all the time, holding me back from accepting the pain. The ironic thing is I was never this scared when I thought it was structural. I spent the weekend calming my nerves and meditating, trying to find acceptance and I perhaps put too much pressure on myself to do so. The fear is strong in me. Trying to relent to stop resisting, but everyday I wake up and know I haven't come to terms with my current circumstances, the more discouraged I get. It's a vicious cycle. Today I tried a new tactic by telling the pain it is welcome, and it took me seriously, I was washed with it. I managed to stay calm and I know that the more I do that, the more my brain will learn that I'm no longer needing protection, but I'm just so tired.

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Re: fear
by Dianna Cunningham - Tuesday, 3 July 2018, 4:49 PM
 

Crystal I totally understand what you’re going through. Sometimes fear rules my life. I’m always looking for the tigers in the bushes! Meditating didn’t work so well for me but they say it’s a way to calm the fear. I had to dig down into my soul and revisit all the abuse I had suffered in the past to find out why I was so scared. My past wasn’t the best past to look into. I felt like I was falling into the depths of darkness which I was. But I survived and with that survival came an understanding of how brave I really was. 

You can get through it. I’m right there with ya!

The fear is really all an illusion. Remember that!

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Re: fear
by Howard Schubiner - Tuesday, 10 July 2018, 1:47 PM
 

Thanks so very much, Dianna.

When we're in the grips of fear, it's so hard to see that there's a way out. Sometimes the only thing we can do is to just surrender to it and allow the fear to just be there. Then we can sit with it and know it, if we're brave enough. As we do that, it will tend to decrease, then increase again, come in waves, and eventually calm down.

It take so much courage to face our fears and our demons, which we are all doing in our own ways.

Thanks for all of your help to help each other through this process.

Best, Howard

Picture of Tim Hutton
Re: fear
by Tim Hutton - Tuesday, 10 July 2018, 4:54 PM
 

The posts in this forum and on this thread are very inspiring and heartwarming.

Being part of a collaborative willingness to share and support each other helps feel better about myself, despite my short comings and failures. 

Seeing the tenderness expressed throughout this program and in this forum help to lift my outlook and pusuades me to feel more optimistic about participating with other people even throughout my personal life away from this forum!

What a beautiful dynamic to be part of. What if the entire world gave to each other from this same humble part of the heart.

Thank you all for the generous way you share your own humanity, challenges, love and support. 

Tim.

Picture of julia Penrod
Re: fear
by julia Penrod - Monday, 16 July 2018, 5:26 AM
 

Dr. Shubinar,


I listen to the meditations in this course every night before I go to sleep. I have found so much comfort and strength in them. 

I have healed completely from my MBS which developed while i was caregiving to five of my loved ones who had become debilitated with this illness.  Simply the realization that this was created to suppress my emotions that I had not been able to deal with was sufficient to release me!  I know that this does not happen for everyone but it did for me!  I have a slight relapse when the crisis in the others come fast and furious end on end but I sit down, write and listen to the meditations. I pray for the strength to keep my heart separated from theirs enough that I do not experience their pain but allow them the privilege of experiencing it themselves and going where they must to resolve it. This came as a natural process of dealing with my own pain from burnout. 

I am extremely grateful to you for your tender kindness and insistent wisdom that we can all become the conqueror in this. I believe it with all of my heart and am now spreading the word to all who have need of the message.  I will be eternally grateful for your courage to conquer yourself and then your charity to share with others.  May God continue to bless you in your work! 

Warm Regards,

Kathryn

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Re: fear
by julia Penrod - Monday, 16 July 2018, 5:19 AM
 

I wanted to reply to your message on fear and let you know that this is a very real reaction to coming to terms with our lives.  I watched an episode of Kung Fu when he had to face a demon (fear ) that he had created in his childhood in response to the fear of dying.  What he discovered was life changing for me.  It is season 3 episode 16. Make sure you watch it to the end! 

I am praying for all of you who suffer the fear and anxiety associated with MBS. Freedom from fear lies within your own power, the power to dismiss what you have created! Sometimes change is frightening!  Dismissing the demon of fear will take all of your courage but it will dissolve before your eyes as quickly as it entered into your mind. You are the master! When  fear no longer serves you then you will find the courage inside your soul to face it and then to dissolve the illusion. 

I am a caregiver to five loved ones who have suffered the agony and the ecstasy of MBS.  You may think it odd to refer to this level of pain as ecstasy but I guarantee you it surely is just that! Each of you who have suffered to this degree, then come face to face in heart to heart combat and dismissed will have a mission in life to teach others as Dr. Shubiner has taught us. 

There truly is meaning in your suffering. Your battle and victory will be the inspiration that countless others will use as their incentive to do as you have done! Before long there will be an army of truly free human beings on the earth who fear nothing. Remember what Winston Churchill said, " The only thing we have to fear is fear itself"  He knew that fear was an illusion and that his people would need to dismiss the demon of fear, which was within the power of each individual if they were to win the war against an enemy of flesh and blood. 

Forward! On to the victory! Do not look back!  

Your friend,

Kathryn

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Re: fear
by Dianna Cunningham - Monday, 16 July 2018, 5:49 PM
 

Kathryn thank you! Reading your post is such a wonderful reminder for all of us! I never knew I had the fear until I had the pain of course! It took me so long to discover this and it didn’t happen quickly. That’s why initially I just thought I needed surgery blah, blah.

It wasn’t until I started really digging deep into my life that I realized how scared I was and I’ve been in the fear, freeze and flight response my whole life.

I’ve been sexually abused and in a domestic violence situation for many years and all this was many years ago. But I simply buried it and moved on or so I thought. Having MBS is a curse and a blessing all at the same time. I can only imagine how difficult it is to take care of all those family members. I would lose my mind completely. I admire your strength and grace in this situation.

Thank you for your wonderful post.

Dianna

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Re: fear
by Susan Tannenbaum - Friday, 27 July 2018, 4:42 AM
 
Thank you Crystal for your post and to everyone who answered and speaks so honestly and openly and kindly. I am a newbie, just beginning the online program (I don't know if some of you are in a live program.. I wish I was). Anyway, I am also in so much fear. I am scared I will not be able to do it, scared it is not the right diagnosis, scared of dealing with my past which was treacherous, scared of never being able to deal with it enough to make a dent. Scared of losing everything to the pain. Scared of getting swallowed up by the fear, the anger, the grief. 
I am crying all the time, the slightest thing tips me off. Sad and scared with a little anger that I try to celebrate and then sad and scared again.  Sometimes I can soften some of the pain with talking to myself but the bulk of it is relentless. 
Picture of Dianna Cunningham
Re: fear
by Dianna Cunningham - Friday, 27 July 2018, 6:06 AM
 

Susan yes the pain is relentless and can take you down if you let it. Sometimes you gotta fight and sometimes you have to surrender and you will come to terms with what you need to do and when. Crying is good because it releases the emotional overload you find yourself in. But remember that love conquers all. In the depth of darkness you will find the light of your own soul. That will set you completely free. Remember we are all with you! 

Picture of Susan Tannenbaum
Re: fear
by Susan Tannenbaum - Friday, 27 July 2018, 4:42 PM
 

Thank you Dianna. Yes I guess this is a journey not a sprint. I have been feeling like I must be doing this program wrong because I have not been sure about how I am supposed to BE, fighting vs surrendering, feeling the emotional pain vs being positive. Which ever I was doing I vacillated between congratulating myself for doing something right and worrying that I was doing it wrong. The worrying that I was doing it wrong of course left me in fear that my pain would never go away and I would never be able to function in the world as I once did or want to. Of course all of this is sort of ridiculous as I just started the program! Anyway I am getting that it is an exploration and dance rather than a straight up formula. I will try to be gentler with myself as I figure it out. I do want to be free, not only from the pain itself but really free.

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Re: fear
by Dianna Cunningham - Friday, 27 July 2018, 9:26 PM
 

There really is no right and wrong way to do the program either. I know the more the fear takes hold the more the mind gets what it wants because it’s the ultimate distraction from what’s really going on. Be kind to yourself and when you’re scared take deep breaths. Live in compassion for yourself and others. This was my hardest lesson. I thought I should suck everything up and go on cause cowgirls don’t cry. That sounds really great but in reality crying is the best thing I ever did.

You will get there. I pray it will be fast for you. I took the scenic route. Story of my life!

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Re: fear
by Cheri Frink - Monday, 6 August 2018, 9:40 PM
 

Hi, I am new as well! My first time on the forum. I have suffered with anxiety and fear my whole life. I have a mom who took us to the doctor every Friday to see if my sister and I were ok. Because of this obsession and compulsion that she had, I developed health anxiety and fear of illness. It is so frustrating and scary but, I am glad to be here! Thank you so much

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Re: fear
by Howard Schubiner - Monday, 6 August 2018, 10:52 PM
 

Welcome Cheri.

Thanks for being here. Let us know how we can help you as you progress in this work.

Best, Howard