Dear Dr. Schubiner,
For so many years, I have been taught and “programmed” to please others and basically ignore what I was feeling; because I didn’t matter. I denied myself things such as food (anorexia), pain medications and even rest. I even felt that I didn’t deserve to have feelings and lived with tremendous guilt.
I started to have pain at the age of 13 and I am now 49 years old. I had a very difficult childhood with severe abuse and neglect and it has been reflected in pain for all these years. I now understand that my subconscious mind caused me to have severe headaches. They began gradually and occurred about twice a month. But they were severe and forced me to lie in bed and cry. The headaches started to occur more often, until they came daily and lasted for the next 20 years! I forged on with my life; marrying, working and starting a family. The pain finally got so horrible that I had to quit a job that I loved and held for 21 years.
I was devastated, but I decided to become the best wife possible. I was determined to be the best coupon shopper to find sales on all items, sometimes dragging two toddlers with me across town just to save 50 cents. I tried to be the best housekeeper and stay at home Mom. I was obsessive about everything, to the point of exhaustion. Finally, I had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized for three weeks.
Since taking your workshop and beginning therapy, I have come to an amazing revelation. My internal child was telling me, “Hey, I matter and if you won’t listen to me, then I’ll just have to force you to pay attention. I want some nurturing too. Quit trying to please everyone else and be kind to me. I deserve it.”