I found Dr. Shubiner's program on his current Indigogo Campaign and I was going to beg my neurologist to pay for the highest level of benefit and have the Dr. come and speak to their medical group, and beg them to give me the other benefits as I have been out of work now since December and have no desire to do anything. I was living off my savings and will be out of money in about a month and not sure what I will do. I felt like this was the answer to the 28 years of hell that I have been living, but then again, wondering if my doctor would even be open to this, so then my hopes were dashed again.
My pains have been increasing over the years to new and added diagnosis', to now where I can't work and have no desire to leave the house or barely take care of my basic needs. The last several years I have lost the majority of my family and now am left alone and have no support left. My story is probably the same as a lot of people in chronic pain with so many heartbreaks and setbacks.
I have not gone a day without thinking about ending my life multiple times a day because I couldn't stand the pain and I literally had no reason to live. For the past several years I have been literally searching for something that I enjoyed or wanted to do in my life and to this date, I have found nothing. What is the point of anything, the pain is not worth the trouble of anything and I have no one to care?
At times I try affirmations and positive attitude, etc. but then something happens to pull me further back down. This, along with many other "real" things has taught me that I am a bad person, not worthy of being healthy, pain-free, happy, or even loved. I have made many self-realizations through the years about myself with the final one being that I will never be "enough". How can one live with this knowledge of never being enough for yourself and others? I have so many regrets and so much guilt that I can't let go. I don't know how to let go of any of it.
Finally, to the point, am I really going to be capable of benefiting from this program???