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Doubts

 
Picture of Wendy Yearwood
Doubts
by Wendy Yearwood - Sunday, 25 June 2017, 11:28 PM
 

I found Dr. Shubiner's program on his current Indigogo Campaign and I was going to beg my neurologist to pay for the highest level of benefit and have the Dr. come and speak to their medical group, and beg them to give me the other benefits as I have been out of work now since December and have no desire to do anything. I was living off my savings and will be out of money in about a month and not sure what I will do. I felt like this was the answer to the 28 years of hell that I have been living, but then again, wondering if my doctor would even be open to this, so then my hopes were dashed again.

My pains have been increasing over the years to new and added diagnosis', to now where I can't work and have no desire to leave the house or barely take care of my basic needs. The last several years I have lost the majority of my family and now am left alone and have no support left. My story is probably the same as a lot of people in chronic pain with so many heartbreaks and setbacks.

I have not gone a day without thinking about ending my life multiple times a day because I couldn't stand the pain and I literally had no reason to live. For the past several years I have been literally searching for something that I enjoyed or wanted to do in my life and to this date, I have found nothing. What is the point of anything, the pain is not worth the trouble of anything and I have no one to care?

At times I try affirmations and positive attitude, etc. but then something happens to pull me further back down. This, along with many other "real" things has taught me that I am a bad person, not worthy of being healthy, pain-free, happy, or even loved. I have made many self-realizations through the years about myself with the final one being that I will never be "enough".  How can one live with this knowledge of never being enough for yourself and others? I have so many regrets and so much guilt that I can't let go. I don't know how to let go of any of it.

Finally, to the point, am I really going to be capable of benefiting from this program???

Picture of Dianna Cunningham
Re: Doubts
by Dianna Cunningham - Monday, 26 June 2017, 4:13 AM
 

Wendy, please don't give up as you've come very far if you've found this program.  It's an important step in a long journey. I too have considered suicide but found a lot of support here on the forum. 

You're not a bad person and you're not useless. You're in pain and you need to be compassionate to yourself! Start the program slowly and keep working it. You might not get well quickly but you might also be surprised. Many of my doctor's were supportive and somewhat skeptical but at the end of the day just continue on.


The reason friends and family abandon people in pain is because they get overwhelmed and don't know what to do. That's frustrating for them and you.

Give it a shot and have patience (which I don't have but I'm learning)!


Picture of Howard Schubiner
Re: Doubts
by Howard Schubiner - Monday, 26 June 2017, 1:39 PM
 
Thanks for writing, Wendy.

We are so sad for you and so there with you!! So many of us have been in the same situation. It's so easy to have things just keep piling up and getting worse. One bad thing leads to another!

There is a way out. But it is slow. It takes starting with a single step, literally, a step out of bed, a step to the kitchen, a step outside. It starts with a breath, a single breath of air, a single breath of calmness, a single breath of strength. It starts with a single moment of seeing, of seeing yourself as a good person who has had bad luck, of seeing the sky and the world as not so dangerous, of seeing others who want to help you but don't know how, of seeing yourself as having hope.

Work on these small steps every day.
Write to us every day and we will respond.
Reach out to anyone who will listen or work with you.
Just do a little and see that you can do just that.
Then you'll see that you can do a little bit more.

We're here for you!
Best, Howard
Picture of Barbara Kessler
Re: Doubts
by Barbara Kessler - Tuesday, 27 June 2017, 2:46 AM
 

Hi Wendy,

Thanks for reaching out for help. You have a lot of courage in telling us your story. And, that courage will help you in working the "Unlearn Your Pain" program.  It works if you work at it.  And, progress is slow-at least it has been for me. I also had many doubts about trying this approach for healing.  My guilt and shame kept me trapped in a cycle of self loathing and physical pain. I desperately looked for someone or something to fix me; but, I sure couldn't reveal my pain to anyone.

This program allowed me to get to know myself and start healing.  Not quickly, no miracles. just a slow and steady awakening and acceptance of myself.  New problems crop up and then it's back to basics.  Your letter has reminded me to use this program again for my current stomach distress.  So, thanks Wendy.  And know we are here for you.