I wanted to share an amazing experience that happened to me this week. I had one of the best, most enlightening moments that I have had in a year! I was driving in the car, and suddenly, my chin started hurting. Yes, you read that correctly. MY CHIN! Immediately I burst into an almost angry laughter and yelled out loud, "Yeah? Is that the best you can do?!" There were also some other four letter words that I will not mention here. :) HOW RIDICULOUS! My chin!? Come on now!
Then, I turned on Pet Benatar's song "Hit Me With Your Best Shot," and yelled it. It was a really beautiful experience. I cried and laughed, and it gave me so much hope.
Today is a fear-day today, as it is not just my chin that hurts. However, I keep remembering that "the opposite of fear is love." The book, "A Course In Miracles" is also helping me through this journey. I would recommend it, but only if it speaks to you.
Someone very wise told me that the goal is not to get rid of the pain, but to get rid of the fear. According to "A Course In Miracles," you fear and love cannot co-exist. So, we must get rid of the fear for the pain to eventually fall away, as it is just a symptom. And the way to do that is through love. I am not sure what this means to me quite yet, and this pain plays so many tricks in my head, but I am certain that this is the answer.
I was asked out on a date tonight, and I have not been out in a very long time because I see myself as ill. I am not feeling well today, but I am going to go on my first date in quite a while, even though I want to hide under the covers, stay stuck in fear, and do research on my bodily pain. Because I want to start to live my life now. Because this needs to be over. Because this serves no purpose in my life anymore. Because I have been down for too long, and we all have vibrant, full, free lives to live. Thank you all for being so courageous, your posts help me to continue on this path, even on the dark days. “There is nothing to hold onto.”Erin